


Connection

by SymbioticAntithesis



Series: Asphyxiation [2]
Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Innuendo, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 17:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymbioticAntithesis/pseuds/SymbioticAntithesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes realization comes a little too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connection

**_ _ ** You always listen to your father, work to meet his expectations but never exceed them. As the third son of the Ootori family, you are destined to never succeed the business.You resign yourself to that fact.So you force yourself to remain within your picturesque painting, never letting a stroke stray outside of the frame, each flick of the brush diligent, flawless, precise. Beautiful.

  


But a part of you is discontent.You wish that you could rise above your brothers and earn your father’s respect.In doing so you would most likely be named heir of the company and there is nothing more you desire.But you don’t and stay within your limits.

  


When your father tells you that the Suoh heir will be attending Ouran, you are happy to oblige his request of acquainting yourself with the boy.After all, you clearly see the benefit in doing so.However, Suoh Tamaki is anything _but_ what you expect.He is loud, obnoxious, naïve, and a complete idiot.The blond manages to push every single one of your buttons in ignorant bliss and you are tempted to punch him.But you stay your hand; a bloody Suoh heir will _not_ look good on your records.

  


So you struggle, endure, cope.Then the day comes when you finally lose control: the blond idiot has the gall to infiltrate your mansion, play your _piano_ , nearly make you _cry,_ ask innocently, stupidly, whether or not the kotatsu was ready, and offhandedly remark on the insignificance of his heritage.You explode in anger, which is quite amazing since you, Ootori Kyouya, _never_ do such a plebian thing.An Ootori showing such emotion?Preposterous!

  


But you do.

  


“Only you are holding yourself back,” he says calmly after your outburst, “If you want to surpass your brothers then surpass them.”

  


Something inside of you snaps.You hate to admit it but he’s right.The idiot is right.You know that you have the potential to best your brothers, but you always force yourself to stay within your picture frame; you are only here to support them, not beat them.But oh, how you _want_ to break out and prove to your father that you are the most likely candidate to succeed the Ootori empire.

  


And now Suoh Tamaki gives you a reason to do so.Thereafter, you hold a grudging respect for the boy as you start to paint outside of your confining frame, creating a mosaic with myriads of colors.You’ll show them, all of them, what exactly you are capable of doing.Inwardly, you are thanking Tamaki for bringing you to your senses.Now you are working harder than ever before and Tamaki has, unwittingly, become a friend: your first and only friend.It is quite shocking; who would have thought that you, Ootori Kyouya and him, Suoh Tamaki, two boys on completely opposite ends of the spectrum, are best friends.

  


Indeed you are best friends, because only best friends would agree to such ridiculous ideas like a host club.But you also see an underlying benefit in participating in such frivolous activities.So you concede to Tamaki’s proposal and you are now an illustrious member of the Ouran High School Host Club.

  


You realize that Tamaki is truly one-of-a-kind and has given you many of your firsts.He was the first to give you tears, the first to talk back to you, reprimanding, the first to be your friend, and the first. . . person you give your heart to.

  


Impossible!Absolutely impossible, for an aspiring heir of the Ootori company to fall in love with a _male_ , let alone the successor to the Suoh family fortune.But you did.He reached out to you and you in turn reached out for him.But you are reaching for him for a different reason.Tamaki reaches for you as a _friend_ but you reach out to him as a _lover_.You want him to take your hand, want him to stay by your side, want him to _never leave_.Because he is the first person to truly understand you aside from perhaps Fuyumi nee-san.

  


The connection between the two of you is unique.Despite how much Tamaki can peeve you, you follow him, listen to him, silently support him.And despite how coldly you may treat Tamaki, he understands you, accepts you, loves you.

  


But only as a friend.

  


This fact becomes much too obvious when Fujioka Haruhi accidentally stumbles into the Third Music Room and breaks an eight million yen vase.You notice that Tamaki is immediately taken by her, once he realizes that Haruhi is female, of course, and you are quite miffed.But you don’t say anything and carry on as always.

  


Though Tamaki claims that the only reason behind his overprotective nature towards Haruhi is simply because she is his ‘daughter’, you know better than that.He is slowly falling for her and there is nothing you can do about it.How ironic, that Tamaki was the one to pull you out of your picture frame but _because_ of him, _for_ him, you are locking yourself back in.Once again, you resign yourself to simply being an observer, a supporter.You even make it a point to help repair Haruhi and Tamaki’s friendship during the trip to Nekozawa’s private beach—because Tamaki means so much to you and you want him to get what he wants even if he doesn’t realize it yet.

  


You continue to agree to Tamaki’s ridiculous requests simply to see him smile at you in pure happiness.But you can’t hold in your desires forever especially since Tamaki has this innate ability to crack through your defenses.So you bolster yourself more than ever before; you never want him to find out.Never.  


  


* * *

  


You don’t know whether to rejoice or to throw a punch at the blond’s head; you are already at your wits end (though of course no one notices) and Tamaki drags all the club members for a ‘relaxing’ weekend.Relaxing, sure.You don’t think it will be relaxing for you in the least.

  


It takes all of your self-control to not react to Tamaki’s body in the  hot springs and the heat is not helping your endeavor.You are so irate you leave first, claiming a headache.Only when you are back in your room do you let your defenses down a little.You draw a shaky breath and run your hand through your damp hair; you are going to _kill_ the blond idiot.Really, you will.One day.

  


A few minutes pass before there is a knock on your door, “Kyouya, are you okay?We’re all going to head to the dining hall now.”

  


You really can’t resist that voice and you curse yourself because of it.Sighing, composing yourself, you walk towards the door and open it.Sure enough, Tamaki, with his large amethyst orbs, is staring back at you, a smile on his lips.“Tamaki, I’m fine.”

  


His smile widens and he grabs your hand, “That’s good.”He starts to run down the hall, pulling you with him, not caring to confirm if you even _want_ to join everyone for dinner, chasing the rest of the members a little ways ahead.All you can do is follow, as you have been doing for your whole life.You suppose that you don’t mind too much, as long as it’s Tamaki you are following.

  


Dinner is a slightly awkward affair.For you, at least.Hikaru and Tamaki are hanging over Haruhi, both vying for the girl’s attention.She seems quite overwhelmed and vexed and you feel a bit sorry for her.Not a lot, though.

  


You do, however, feel a small twinge of jealousy as you watch Tamaki ‘protecting’ his daughter from Hikaru.If you were anyone else, you might have laughed at their antics; Honey-sempai was obviously amused.But you’re not.Not in the least.

  


The sound of the door opening and closing reaches your ears and for a moment you disregard it, continuing to watch the rather dysfunctional trio.Then you look up and see the younger Hitachiin twin gazing sadly, understandingly, towards his three fellow hosts.You see a humorless laugh escape him and he turns to face you; he startles a little, and you know that he has discovered your secret.A bit irked, you figure you ought to keep a firmer grip on your emotions; though, if Kaoru were to tell anyone, you have your own ways of retaliating.You know that he harbors feelings for his own brother, his older twin and you have known this for awhile now.It is not difficult to see, at least with your observation skills.So you decide that maybe Kaoru knowing isn’t such a bad thing.You incline your head, telling him silently, imperceptibly, that the two of you are in an agreement: _the secret remains between us._

  


Honey-sempai calls out to the redhead and your eye-contact with him is broken.You watch him as he immaculately puts on his mask and his skill impresses you; if you didn’t know any better, you probably would have fallen for his act as well.But you know the truth and you continue to watch the younger Hitachiin closely.  


  


* * *

  


You really _are_ going to kill Tamaki one day; how _dare_ he get under your skin, how _dare_ he make you lose control, how _dare_ he be so _goddamn_ loving.Stalking through the halls of the inn, you are royally pissed off and everyone—maids, customers, what have you—avoid you and you are infinitely glad for that.Maybe a soak in the springs will calm you a little.

  


Upon reaching the baths, you quickly strip and remove your glasses, placing them safely to the side.You pause for a moment when you notice another bundle of clothes on the bench.You squint and discern that it must be one of the Hitachiin twins, most likely Kaoru as Hikaru is probably firmly attached to Haruhi’s side.Tamaki as well.At that thought, anger rushes fleetingly through your body and is gone within a second.A smirk plays at your lips; perhaps you could reap some benefits with Kaoru.

  


Sure enough, when you slide the door open, you see Kaoru leaning back in the water, mouth slightly open, a blush across his cheeks, eyebrows furrowed in frustration.You are sure that it is not just the heat that is making him act in such a way and your smirk widens.Wading into the water, you sidle up to the younger twin, who has yet to acknowledge your presence.So you lean in close to his ear, and whisper to him, “Kaoru, it seems that you have a little problem.”It pleases you when the younger boy shivers.

  


“Kyouya-sempai,” he says, turning a little towards you, his blush deepening, fawn eyes shy, “What—“You don’t allow him to continue as you brush your fingers lightly across his groin, eliciting a gasp.Grinning inwardly, you realize that Kaoru is most definitely in need of the same release as you.

  


“Am I right?” you purr, working your hand over his desire, slowly, teasingly.Kaoru gasps and whimpers, his eyes falling shut, nibbling his lip.You delight in the little noises that escape from Kaoru, but you are actually imagining them in someone else’s voice. _Tamaki, Tamaki._

  


Kaoru is close, you can feel it, but you pull your hand away.He lets out a cry of disappointment and you soothe him with, “We shouldn’t finish this here,” you gently ghost your hand over him again, “Come to my room.”And you know that he will.

  


Satisfied for the moment, you retreat, leaving Kaoru to compose himself.Once you are in your quarters, you remove your glasses again and set them on the bedside table.You lay on the sheets for awhile, waiting, contemplating.From what you garnered from Kaoru’s actions, he is in as much frustration as you are, if not more.The poor boy _did_ live with and sleep in the same bed as his twin, after all.Gods, how the hell did Kaoru do it?You suddenly feel a newfound respect for the younger twin; he was certainly one to exceed expectations.

  


Your eyes shoot towards the crack under the door and you see a shadow breaking the continuity of light.Getting up, you move towards the entrance and open it.Kaoru stares back at you, a little surprised, his arm poised to knock.He quickly drops it as you move aside and he steps in.The door closes and the redhead looks almost defiant and before you can further that thought, lips crash against yours.You quickly regain your senses and roughly kiss him back; you are not to be outdone.Easily winning dominance, you lead the smaller boy to the bed and push him down, pining him firmly to the mattress.

  


You pull away from the kiss and your eyes rake down the body of the younger Hitachiin.Kaoru is panting, a light flush already gracing his cheeks; the bathrobe had slipped off one of his shoulders revealing creamy-white skin and a dainty collar bone that is simply begging you to ravish.

  


Leaning down again, you capture those lips in another kiss while running your hands down Kaoru’s sides while he was running his up your back.You moan softly into the kiss; no, definitely not Tamaki, but you can at least imagine as such.

  


You let yourself lose control as you give in to your desires, drowning in bliss.

  
  


* * *

  
Only after your third rendezvous with Kaoru do you really start to talk with the Hitachiin.You find him very insightful and sharp, passive yet cunning.He deceives everyone so well with the mask he molded for himself over the years and you pity him a little: he has perfected his façade so well that even his own twin cannot see through it.Such talent. 

  


It actually surprises you a little that Kaoru is such a good actor.You begin to wonder if he dons a different mask for different people.Perhaps he does; after all, you do not know how he is with Hikaru when they are alone.

  


As the months pass, you find yourself watching the younger Hitachiin more and more.You tell yourself it is simply because Kaoru intrigues you and you feel that he is a tangle of mysteries and contradictions.And since you have a mind that is constantly seeking knowledge, you latch eagerly onto anything that eludes you, wanting to dissect it, to understand.

  


Then one day during club, you notice with a shock that thoughts of Tamaki no longer pass through your mind.Why is this?You still see him practically everyday and you study with him on the weekends. . . instead your thoughts drift to Kaoru.While still attending his customers, he experimentally flicks his eyes now and then to Tamaki, who is giving a demure kiss to his own customer on the back of her hand.

  


Nothing.

  


No irritation, no sadness, no resigned acceptance.

  


You then turn your attention briefly to the younger twin, who is staring at you with keen interest and from the looks of it, he has been staring for awhile.When he realizes that he is caught, he flushes, and you can’t help but feel. . . _smug_ that you can elicit such a reaction from the redhead.You raise an eyebrow in challenge then return to serving your customers.

  


Now you are just a bit confused, but you push those thoughts aside for the moment; you’ll come back to them later.  


  


* * *

  
Tamaki drops by your mansion unexpectedly a week later, whining about something or another.For once, you are extremely irritated by this visit.Your mind is still a boggled mess and you are desperately trying to sort it out; you have come to the conclusion that you hate being confused.Tamaki notices that you are not paying attention and attempts to draw you back.But you silently fume instead. 

  


Then you feel lips on yours and you nearly fall off the couch.What. . . the hell?Tamaki. . . is kissing you. _Tamaki_.

  


Your eyes slip close and you let Tamaki kiss you.He pulls you up to stand and you oblige.He starts to maneuver you up the stairs and you feel his hands flutter over your chest, your back, and he moans into your mouth.When you reach the bed, you tug him underneath you and you fall on top of him.Automatically, your hands start to unbutton his shirt, but when you start to caress his pectorals, you suddenly freeze.You pull away and look down at your partner, eyes wide in shock.Tamaki was panting a little, a bit flushed on the cheeks, and looking up at you in confusion.

  


Not Kaoru, definitely not Kaoru.

  


When you gave yourself into the kiss, somehow your mind led you to think that it was _Kaoru_ you were kissing, despite the fact that the way Tamaki was kissing you was definitely _not_ the way Kaoru kissed.

  


You swear under you breath and remove yourself from your position above Tamaki’s body.Getting off the bed, you stand with your back facing him, fists clenched at your sides.

  


“What the fuck are you doing?” you ask as calmly as you can.

  


“Huh?I thought—“

  


“Get out, Tamaki,” you whisper, cutting him off, your voice dangerously low.

  


“But—Kyouya—“

  


“Get.Out.” you growl, giving Tamaki a glare over your shoulder that even the blond quailed under.

  


Tamaki quickly hightails it out of the room and only then can you breathe a little easier.Now you understand; you realize that you no longer want to follow, but to lead.You don’t want to simply _follow_ Tamaki, but you want to _lead_ yourself in whatever direction you desire.And you don’t want to simply _follow_ someone out of constriction, but you want to _lead_ yourself out of it.

  


You also realize that the reason why you no longer spare a thought for Tamaki, no longer reach out to him as a lover, is because your mind was now caught up with someone else and you are extending your hand out in a different direction.You liked seeing Kaoru smile, hearing his laugh, making him blush. . . making love to him.And you want to bring him with you to wherever you are going.

  


“Damnit,” you whisper, leaning your forehead against the wall.When did everything get so complicated?  


  


* * *

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**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net and livejournal on November 09, 2012


End file.
